Swiss Army Accidentally Annexes Liechtenstein during Training Exercise

At approximately 6:45 WET, residents of the small town of Triesenberg, Liechtenstein were awoken by the rumble of approaching tanks, and surprise began to turn to alarm when columns of Swiss soldiers entered the village, accompanied by armored cavalry and mobile artillery units. The town mayor was apparently roused from his bed by members of the village council and the local baker, and shortly thereafter offered his town’s unconditional surrender to Colonel Jean-Paul Heitzel, who insisted that he was still in Swiss territory.

The Swiss government has apologized for the incident, and insists that it has “no malign intentions towards our preposterously small neighbor.” According to Hans Delouvier, the commander of the Swiss Armed Forces, Colonel Heitzel’s mobile-cavalry company had been conducting an orienteering training exercise with other units of the Swiss Army, but had unintentionally violated Liechtenstein’s sovereignty after failing to account for magnetic declination from true north. “This is obviously an unfortunate mistake,” said Delouvier, “and those responsible will be held accountable.”

However, the incident seems to have snowballed over the course of twelve hours, before the Swiss president was informed of the situation by a phone call from the European Council President, who had been receiving panicked inquires from Belgium and Luxembourg throughout the morning. The foreign policy commentariate had a six hour field day as well, as talking heads stormed the television news airwaves, speculating whether the famed Swiss neutrality had been replaced by a policy of regime change.

The long delay before the Swiss President was notified of the situation appears to have been caused by Colonel Heitzel’s refusal to believe that his men had strayed into Liechtenstein’s territory. Villagers who were at the scene report a tense argument between Heitzel and the town mayor, with one calling the other “a drunken fool” while the other imploringly brandished the key to the city and begged for leniency towards the local population.

According to several soldiers who agreed to be interviewed, the company believed that they were in the town of Wallenstadt, which is just inside the Swiss border. “All these towns look like gingerbread villages anyway,” said Staff Sergeant Deneave, who was among those who witnessed the altercation, “how were we supposed to know that we were creating an international incident?”

The President of Liechtenstein was made aware of the threat of possible annexation that morning, after the Triesenberg constable placed a frantic call to Philippe Meinhoff, a local chocolateir and the head of Liechtensteinian intelligence. The President of Liechtenstein was informed sometime after nine o’clock that Triesenberg had been invaded by a division of the Swiss 3^rd Armored Cavalry. “We immediately contacted the European Commission in order to ascertain what was occurring,” explained the President’s press secretary, “but we were unable to reach a representative of the Swiss government.” Liechtenstein has subsequently suspended diplomatic relations with Switzerland, but Cadbury PLC has offered their serves as a mediator to repair relations between the two countries.